View all Sermons. How Long Oh Lord!? Contributed by Keith Edwards on Apr 27, message contributor based on 64 ratings. I suspect that there are several here today that are asking the same question David asked. How long will I have to tolerate this? How long will God let this happen in my life? How long before I get my breakthrough?
Samuel has already anointed him King. Do I need to remind you that we are not promised an end to trouble? Relationships disappoint you The kids turn their back on you or God You are hurt, you are frustrated, you are discouraged, you are alone, you are mad, you are starting to get bitter.
David says this four times in this chapter It shows his frustration and intense desire for relief and deliverance B. David is supposed to be a mighty warrior, people sang his praises. Download Sermon with PRO. Browse All Media Related Media. Talk about it Nobody has commented yet.
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Many of us are asking the same question David asked - How Long? In it he introduced the audience to the "egg trick", a piece of business Waterhouse had been performing for years in clubs, bars and the residents' lounge of many hotels. It involved borrowing from the management a biscuit tin lid, a pint pot of water, the sleeve from a box of matches and a raw egg. When he had the full attention of the right gathering of like-minded drinkers, the tin lid would be placed on top of the glass of water, the matchbox sleeve on top of the lid and the egg in the open end of the matchbox.
The trick was to strike the edge of the tin lid with a shoe. The lid would then fly away, having caught the matchbox on its edge, the matchbox would topple over and deposit the intact egg in the pint of water — sometimes. Other times, the premises would be coated with raw egg. Waterhouse and I were once in the lounge of a Birmingham hotel, having earlier been in a Greek restaurant, where we had been co-opted onto the judging panel of a belly dancing contest.
Waterhouse liked the belly dancers. He bought them a great deal of champagne, insisting that he pour it into their slippers. The ladies did not mind, even though their shoes were all open-toed. Later, at the hotel, we encountered a group of senior police officers and the junior snooker champion of Wales and his manager.
Waterhouse announced he would perforn the egg trick. It worked perfectly. Dazzled, the junior snooker champion leaped forward, his eyes blazing with competition.
The trick was set up again and the youth slammed his shoe onto the biscuit tin lid. Raw egg covered the policemen. His personal humour often whirled into the surreal, as his fellow journalist Peter Tory learned to his cost. One night, in a Blackpool restaurant during a Conservative party conference, Waterhouse inveigled Tory into a bet which resulted in Tory losing his trousers.
Waterhouse made off into the night with the item of clothing and Tory had to borrow a pair of the chef's pants. Back at the bar of the Imperial hotel, he made himself busy introducing Tory's trousers to various Conservative party grandees, insisting they shake a proffered leg by way of greeting.
In later weeks, Tory would receive sinister, late-night calls, claiming to be from his trousers, relating, in a falsetto, northern accent, the various risque adventures he was enjoying with his new master. All his life, Waterhouse was a heavy drinker which is not the same as being an alcoholic. No matter how riotous the night before had been, each morning he was at the typewriter. He often claimed that God had blessed him with the gift of the delayed hangover, one that kicked in only when he had done his day's work.
Once a heavy smoker, he quit, but loathed non-smoking fanatics. How can I destroy them with the earth if thou art incapable of completing the job that thou was contracted to do? And Noah said, Lo, the contract will be fulfilled.
And Lo, it was not fulfilled. And Noah said unto the Lord, The gopher wood is definitely in the warehouse. Verily, and the gopher wood supplier waiteth only upon his servant to find the invoices before he delivereth the gopher wood unto me. And the Lord grew angry and said, Scrubbeth thou round the gopher wood. What about the animals? Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the Earth after his kind two of every sort have I ordered to come unto thee, to keep them alive.
Where for example, are the giraffes? And Noah said unto the Lord, They are expected today. And the Lord said unto Noah, How about the unicorns? And Noah wrung his hands and wept, saying, Lord, Lord, they are a discontinued line. Thou canst not get unicorns for love nor money. And God said, Come thou, Noah, I have left with thee a deposit, and thou hast signed a contract. Where are the monkeys, and the bears, and the hippopotami, and the elephants, and the zebras and the hartebeests, two of each kind; and of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female?
And Noah said unto the Lord, They have been delivered unto the wrong address, but should arriveth on Friday; all save the fowls of the air by sevens, for it hath just been told unto me that fowls of the air are sold only in half-dozens.
And God said unto Noah, Thou hast not made an ark of gopher wood, nor hast thou lined it with pitch within and with-out; and of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort hast thou failed to bring into the ark.
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