People telling me that I'm wrong about my own experience really gets me. Who is the expert on my own experience? I am, obviously, because I was at the centre of it. I might well be wrong about my interpretation of what happened, my feelings about it might seem irrational well duh, they are feelings after all and my memory of it may be flawed; but it's still my experience.
Don't go rejecting my reality and substituting your own just because you don't want to deal with the truth. I get that other people's point of view is important to them, and sometimes my feelings, opinions or beliefs might seem like a threat. That's no excuse for not listening to me when I have some emotions running that I'd like to have acknowledged. The problem isn't really so much that other people are not listening, since I'm sure their eardrums are vibrating nicely, their ossicles are amplifying appropriately and their auditory nerve and auditory cortex are working just fine.
If my feelings, beliefs or opinions are really too frightening to acknowledge, get yourself some therapy to learn to deal with it, rather than shutting me down. When you talk, I listen.
When I talk, you listen. This is how a respectful conversation works. It's not rocket science. I get especially angry when other people start talking over me just because they don't like what I'm saying. This usually happens when other people get upset at what I am saying, as if simply being upset is a license to stop acting respectfully.
Well it's not. When we're upset is the most important time to have good boundaries based on mutual respect in place. And that means: Don't talk over me! By far the thing that definitely pisses me off the most is when I'm upset about something and I receive judgemental criticism instead of the compassionate empathy that my brain really needs. Being criticised for how I feel definitely tops my list of the most annoying things on the planet.
It's always an avoidance tactic because what I'm feeling is making them uncomfortable about their unresolved emotional baggage, but that doesn't help me any when I'm upset. It just really gives me the shits. Wear your anger on your forehead with my Make Anger Great Again cap , available now in my online store.
If this was helpful, please consider sending me a donation via PayPal to say "Thanks! I help comedians overcome anxiety in the present by healing emotional pain from events in your past, so you can have a future you love I don't get ragey about that many things but the one thing that's guaranteed to set me off is if I feel like someone I really care about has let me down in some way.
In the moment I have no way of communicating rationally and if I'm completely honest with myself I'm a bit of a dick. I have to go for a walk, feel the anger in a completely self absorbed way for a good half an hour to an hour and only then can I start to gain some perspective, what were the other persons intentions? Did they mean to upset me?
Can I give them some calm constructive feedback to prevent this situation from happening again? It takes a gargantuan amount of effort for me to not lash out in the moment and say something out of line. Feelings need to die, being a robot would be much simpler. Post event I feel bad and wonder why I have such an intense emotional reaction to those I love. I am highly aware that no one is perfect and things happen and I myself am not an example of a perfect human being.
Ugh it's hard work. Thank you so much for this article. I really appreciate that I don't have to wade through the typical convoluted PC bullshit but instead, have some of MY anger experiences validated through your straight-shooting article. Thanks again.
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. I played the inaugural Stanmore Music Festival last year, which was held on 16th November In anticipation of the big day, Margot and I both applied for busking permits with Inner West Council, the Read more…. One of the things that appeals to me about comedy is that comedians get to tell the truth. Especially about the things that piss them off. Many comedians adopt an angry schtick which gives the Read more….
An Adelaide man became so frustrated that Read more…. I feel like this guy some times. Enjoyed it? For some people, anger is caused by an underlying disorder, such as alcoholism or depression. Anger can be a symptom of depression , which is characterized as ongoing feelings of sadness and loss of interest lasting at least two weeks. Anger can be suppressed or overtly expressed. A person with OCD has unwanted, disturbing thoughts, urges, or images that drive them to do something repetitively.
A study found that anger is a common symptom of OCD. It affects approximately half of people with OCD. Anger may result from frustration with your inability to prevent obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, or from having someone or something interfere with your ability to carry out a ritual.
Research shows that drinking alcohol increases aggression. Alcohol is a contributing factor in approximately half of all violent crimes committed in the United States.
Alcohol abuse, or alcoholism , refers to consuming too much alcohol at once or regularly. Alcohol impairs your ability to think clearly and make rational decisions. It affects your impulse control and can make it harder for you to control your emotions.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder marked by symptoms such as inattention, hyperactivity, and or impulsivity. Some people are not diagnosed until adulthood, which is sometimes referred to as adult ADHD.
Oppositional defiant disorder ODD is a behavioral disorder that affects 1 to 16 percent of school-age children. Common symptoms of ODD include:.
Bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that causes dramatic shifts in your mood. These intense mood shifts can range from mania to depression, although not everyone with bipolar disorder will experience depression.
Many people with bipolar disorder may experience periods of anger , irritability, and rage. A person with intermittent explosive disorder IED has repeated episodes of aggressive, impulsive, or violent behavior.
They may overreact to situations with angry outbursts that are out of proportion to the situation. Episodes last less than 30 minutes and come on without warning. People with the disorder may feel irritable and angry most of the time. Anger is one of the stages of grief. Grief can come from the death of a loved one, a divorce or breakup, or from losing a job. The anger may be directed at the person who died, anyone else involved in the event, or inanimate objects. Anger causes physical and emotional symptoms.
Anger affects different parts of your body, including your heart, brain, and muscles. A study found that anger also causes an increase in testosterone levels and decrease in cortisol levels. There are a number of emotions that go hand in hand with anger. You may notice the following emotional symptoms before, during, or after an episode of anger:.
Anger can manifest itself in a number of different ways. Not all anger is expressed in the same way.
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